


Stick To The Plan

by Peter164



Series: Post-It Notes [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Coming Out, Depression, Engagement, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-19 07:26:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5958802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peter164/pseuds/Peter164
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky and Steve are newly engaged, recently public, and only just figured out how to get by. </p><p>Steve wants Bucky to love himself as much as he does. </p><p>Bucky wants the pain to stop. </p><p>(Sequal to Post-It Notes.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stick To The Plan

Bucky almost cried when he saw the little pink square of paper stuck to the fridge. He quickly scribbled out a reply and handed it to Steve, who enveloped him in a hug so tight he nearly stopped breathing. 

"I got you a ring. You probably can't wear it, because your left hand is all metal and the metal on metal doesn't sound pleasant." Steve fiddled with the silver band. Bucky grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him as hard as he could. 

"It's okay. I have an idea." He bit his lip and pulled away from Steve. He rummaged through a small drawer and pulled out a thin, silver chain. He unclasped it and slid the ring over the chain. He put on the necklace and urged back to Steve for judgement.

"Perfect." Steve sighed, "We should probably come out of the closet now, shouldn't we."

"Finally." Bucky groaned, "Today. No backing out this time."

"I promise. If you want I can call Tony to come help us right now." Steve cradled the slightly smaller man against him. 

"Please." He begged and huddled in closer to hear his heartbeat. It only just beginning to slow. 

It took minutes for Tony to set up a video camera and get them in position. He taught them what each of the controls did, and how to adjust them. He made them promise to call for help when they were ready to edit and upload. He left them to their own devices while he went to work on some huge project in the workshop. Steve used a little remote that Tony had to start recording. 

"Hello. I'm Steve, and this is Bucky." He introduced them, "God this is weird. I'm just sitting here talking to a camera."

"We actually have a purpose for this, don't forget." He told Steve as he ogled modern technology.

"Yes, we do." He grinned nervously, "We would like to tell everyone first off, that we are not straight. I'm bi, Bucky's gay."

Bucky smiled a little, "And as I'm sure you know. We ain't from around here. When we were growing up, we could get arrested for sharing a bed with another dude. Which we did, frequently. Because we were boyfriends. Honestly, I still don't remember much outside of the fact it existed."

"As of today, we are not boyfriends." Steve continued, "We're actually engaged. Since about 15 minutes ago. But our relationship lasted a total of eight years. Four of which were trying to keep it as quiet as possible to keep from getting arrested or tortured. And these past years of dating Bucky again have been heaven."

"There are so many gay bars everywhere now." Bucky grinned, "And not just that awkward building we lived across the street from that I'm pretty sure had about 70 STDs."

"Can buildings get STDs?" Steve asked. 

"When everyone is fucking everyone else on every available surface, yes. When I walked home, seeing full on orgies going on with the blinds open was a normal thing." Bucky shrugged. 

"Oh yeah. I remember that. I also remember all the prostitutes." Steve described, "I remember being one. During the Depression, when it was either that or starve, I found it a pretty easy decision."

"I'm so glad gay culture has changed so much." Bucky sighed, "Before everything was sex drived madness. Now it's all about rainbows and being so happy all the time and loving strong powerful pop queens."

"Anyway, we should stop soon. I kind of want to spend some time with my new fiance." Steve bit his lip. Bucky grabbed his face and kissed his cheek. Steve turned red, "Bucky, wait until we turn the camera off."

"No." He nuzzled his nose in his neck.

"Why not?" Steve almost pushed him away. 

"Because I don't have to anymore." He muttered into his skin. He pressed his lips to Steve's and smiled into the kiss. Steve stopped the recording and allowed Bucky to push him on his back. He wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him closer. Bucky nuzzled his nose in his neck. 

"Is it weird I'm terrified we'll get arrested?" Bucky giggled into his soft skin. 

"A little." Steve rubbed his back, "It's okay now. We're getting married. If that's not progress, I don't know what is."

"Yeah, I know." He said, "But for before. We engaged in illegal activities that are now legal. So, can we still get arrested for it?" 

"Even if we could, I don't think the public would allow us to." Steve pressed a kiss to the top of his head, "Even if they did, you're the greatest assassin in the world, I think you could handle a cell pretty well."

"You're an asshole, you know that." Bucky propped himself up on his elbows. 

"I'm your asshole, forever." Steve pecked his lips again.

"You're so excited." 

"Aren't you?" Steve squeezed his waist tighter. 

"I am. I really truly am." Bucky grinned, "I have something to look forward to every day now."

There was a knock at the door. Bucky groaned and sat up. He climbed off the couch and went to answer. There stood Sam, with a wrapped up present. 

"I'm assuming you said yes, judging from the ring you're wearing." He pointed out the chain around Bucky's neck. Steve came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. 

"Hi, Sam." Steve smiled at him, "What's that?" 

"Gift for the happy couple." He said. 

"Come inside." He stepped away from Bucky and let Sam through the door. They all sat together on the couch, Bucky perched on Steve's lap. Sam handed them the box. Bucky ripped the paper off to reveal the movie box set. 

"Look, Stevie. It's all the old monster movies we used to watch together." Bucky grinned. Frankenstein, Dracula, Invisible Man, "I didn't think they still made these?" 

"I remember you talking about how much you used to love them, and you'd go with Bucky to see every single one." Sam explained, "You told me you wished you could watch them together again."

"Remember when we went to see Dracula together when you were 12?" Bucky asked, "And you hid behind the seat until I promised to hold your hand?" 

"You made fun of me for it for next two weeks." Steve reminded him. 

"Just doing my job." He smiled.

"Thank you, Sam. You're too nice to us." Steve said. Sam laughed. Steve ran his fingers through Bucky's hair, time reversing the drastic haircut he'd gotten so long ago. 

"Also, Tony's hosting a coming out party for you two this weekend. He said you're required to come." Sam stood up to leave. Bucky groaned, "Hey, don't shoot the messenger."

"You should stay a while." Steve told him. 

"Nah, I gotta get back. I just stopped by to drop off those movies." He left, leaving the two alone with each other. Bucky stood up and decided he was going to figure out the video by himself. It took a full 20 minutes before Steve finally called Tony. He fidled with it for what seemed like seconds and it was on the Internet. He walked out the door to go back and work on something or other. 

"Want to watch an old movie?" Bucky asked with a smile. 

"Thought you'd never ask. I'll get popcorn." He said, "How about we watch them in the order they came out in?" 

"So Dracula first?" Bucky asked. 

"Yeah." They made popcorn and grabbed blankets and curled around each other on the couch. While Steve didn't hide the entire time, he still buried his face into Bucky's back when things got intense, clutching tightly to his hand just like when they were kids. 

Bucky looked at his phone after the movie ended. He saw the number of views on their video and choked on his orange juice. 

"You okay?" Steve sat back down next to him. 

"500,000. In two hours." He gaped at the number on the screen. 

"What?"

"500,000 views." He refreshed the page and it bolted to 700,000, "Look how many people know we're getting married!" 

He shoved his phone into Steve's hands. He refreshed the page again for him to see. Another hundred thousand. He scrolled through the comments, thousands of people writing about them. All of these people acknowledged him, and his Steve enough to tell them what they thought. 

Piles and piles of support and love and lighthearted jokes. It was almost enough to bring him to tears. Until he hit the negative. Though far and few between, each one felt like a knife in the back. They told him how awful they were, each hateful word full of disgust. A couple of them even told them to go back to the 40s so they'd get arrested. A couple more told Bucky specifically to kill himself. 

He tried so hard to focus on the good, listen to the people telling them how brave they were, how awesome it was they were getting married. But the few outweighed the many. He felt Steve's lips press against his cheek. 

"We've survived worse, Buck." He whispered to him, "Don't you remember how awful it was? We'd have to sneak around and stay as quiet as we could, even in our neighborhood. You hated walking near the bars because of the smell of sex and alcohol."

"I know, but I thought it would be different now. I thought they wouldn't hate me as much." Bucky curled himself into a ball. Steve knelt down in front of him. 

"Buck," He cradled his cheek, "They hurt me too. I promise, but you can't let it get to you. If you do then you'll break your promise, I know it." 

"I won't. I want to almost every day. I haven't broken anything yet." Bucky told him, "I just need some time to get better."

"You need a counselor, and maybe some better anti-depressants." Steve held his face in his hands, "It's not hard to get ahold of. And it's really, really helpful."

"I said I'm fine." He snapped back. Steve stood up and held out his hand, "What?" 

"Come on. You need to let off some steam." Steve smiled. He kept a tight grip on Bucky's hand to keep it from slipping away from him. The walked to the boxing portion of the training center, "Pick something."

"Why?" 

"Because you're going to punch out your frustration until you're wiling to let me help you." He spread his arms out, "My personal favorite are the punching bags."

"Can we fight instead of me punching something that doesn't respond?" Bucky asked. 

"For now, but you should figure out something you can do by yourself." Steve said. They prepared and walked over to the mats.

"Don't go easy on me Stevie." He smirked and threw a punch. Steve dodged. It took about two seconds for them to become a blur. Flipping and kicking and punching. He wasn't angry when they started, but he still put all the negative emotions he was feeling into the fight. They fit together like clockwork, even when trying to beat each other up. It ended with Bucky's foot on Steve's chest. 

"Got'cha." He smiled and helped him stand back up. 

"Better?" Steve asked, exhausted. 

"Much." Bucky was similarly panting and swearing. They laughed and grabbed their stuff. Bucky's phone buzzed at him to alert that he had an email. He collapsed on the couch and opened it up. 

_Bucky Barnes,_  
_My name is Avery, I'm 16 years old. I'm emailing to tell you about how much you've inspired me. I know you've talked a little about your depression, and today you've told us that you're gay. I have recently come out to my parents as well. Though I'm not gay, they still didn't take the news very well. I really want to meet you, but you're not like other celebrities that are doing things all the time. For what feels like forever, you and Steve have helped me through so much and I can't thank you enough. You've been through more than I can even imagine and you're still so playful and goofy. I'm sending you this not only because of the video, but also because last night I was admitted to the hospital due to a failed suicide attempt. I need to tell you how much you mean to me, even if I've never met you. I don't mean to come off as creepy or weird, but you are easily one of my favorite people in the world. And I've read through some of the comments of the video. Don't you dare think to much about them. They're written by sad, lonely people who want to watch the world burn. You know more than most what those people are like. You've delt with this before, just dressed up differently. You can make it through._ _Thank you for being awesome,_ _Avery_

Bucky had to cover his mouth to hid the whining noises he was making. His eyes filled with tears of joy as he read it. Steve walked up behind him and read the email over his shoulder. He smiled and kissed Bucky's cheek. 

"See, you do help people." He hugged his shoulders, "Now come on. Anakin wants to go for a walk."

"Okay. Let me go change." He smiled up at him. Anakin nuzzled his head under Bucky's hand. He was on his third or fourth arm, he was a puppy when he found him, now three years old, more or less. 

Bucky had taken a liking to a style he'd learned to be called punk. He didn't really mean to fall into any specific category, it just happened. Most of the clothes he owned were black, or very dark gray. He got the leash down from a bucket in their laundry room. As soon as Anakin saw it, he jumped up at Bucky and ran up to the door. He barked. 

"Shut up." Bucky told him. Steve grabbed his hand and walked out the door. 

He could feel eyes as he walked down the street. He wanted to slip his hand back in his pocket, but Steve clutched him tighter. He always was a mind reader when it came to Bucky. 

Steve left to buy a water bottle, leaving Bucky alone standing next to a tree. He played on his phone while Anakin tried snorting dandelion fluff, sneezing and wiping at his nose to get out the fuzz. A little blond boy, maybe three years old, tugged on the hem of his jacket. Bucky knelt down when he saw the child. 

"Can I pet your dog, mister?" He asked with big, brown, doe eyes. 

"Sure." He made Anakin lay down so the little boy could pet him easier. A woman, Bucky believed to be his mother, stood nearby. Probably to keep an eye on her kid around this stranger. And Bucky had always looked scary without meaning to, especially after his accident. 

"What's your dog's name?" He asked, patting the big black dog on the head. 

"Anakin." Bucky answered. 

"Like on Star Wars?"

"Exactly." He smiled. He explained where the sweet spot was on Anakin's neck, "Do you like Star Wars?" 

"Yeah. But the big slug was all gross and made Leia where a stupid dress." He frowned. 

"Oh yeah, he's awful." Bucky suppressed a giggle. He forgot how utterly adorable little kids were. His mom called him over with a thick southern drawl. Apparently the kid's name was Kyle. Cute.

Steve entered when Kyle exited. He pecked his cheek, Bucky blushed. Their first kiss in public. He waited for the dirty stares and threats, but they never came. No one even blinked. 

"I told you it's getting better now." Steve put his arms around Bucky's waist. 

"Just paranoid is all. Too much time living like we were, probably." Bucky smiled a little. 

"Well, come on, let's go." Steve and Bucky kept walking, soon forgetting the people around them, and instead, lacing their fingers back together. Bucky rested his head on Steve's shoulder.


End file.
